thoughts on my birthday (well, about my birthday, since today isn't my birthday)
Mood: pensive
Music: Dexter Freebish - "Leaving Town"
Posted on 2005-04-18 14:11:00
Tags: essay birthday
Words: 539
"Every overhyped lj post has a beginning..."
I've been thinking about birthdays and, more generally (but not much more generally!) age lately. I skipped first grade, so I've always been young for my age, and I usually took math classes that were a few years ahead of my grade. The upshot of this is that I was usually the youngest kid in the class by far.
So I think because of that, that kinda became my identity. It didn't matter that I wasn't the top student in the class (although I sometimes was) - for a while I was a novelty because I was so young, but even after that I could always tell myself that, even though kids did better than I did, I was younger than they were, so it didn't matter. In my mind, when I would consider my ranking in the class (I was pretty competitive academically for a while in middle/high school...), I was kinda in my own category, so I always won.
Another effect was that I started to identify as the young kid. So, even when I came to Rice, I wanted people to know that I was young, because that made me special. In the past, this had provided me with other people who would sorta hang out with me a bit just because I was young. (at Rice, I had the additional "specialness" of being a professor's son) And it did sort of continue at Rice, to a point (hanging out with djedi and blamantin wasn't just because I was young, but it certainly was a not-too-infrequent topic of conversation :-) ).
So now I'm out in the real world, and all of a sudden I'm not the youngest at work. And I felt kinda weird about that, and it took me a while to figure out why, and the preceding is what I came up with.
But now things are different (not that I'm making this change now, just that it happened a year or so ago). I don't feel the need to be "special" in some obvious way. I have good friends, a good job, djedi, and I don't feel like I need a "gimmick" to have people interested in me. This is healthy and a good thing.
And so, I guess I've become a lot more relaxed about age - I know occasionally people get sensitive about getting old and whatnot, and I do have those feelings occasionally as well, but I'm usually able to shake it off pretty well. Maybe it's like my rebelling against the hypersensitivity I used to feel to my age, but I just feel like it's something that happens and there's no point worrying about it. I used to be really bad about trying to change the past (when I was in high school and I would misplace something, I would always beat myself up as I was looking for it, wishing that I had put it in its right place), and now I just try to deal with things in the present as they come up.
The End...?
(Disclaimer: nothing in here is meant to blame djedi or blamantin for my age issues - I definitely had them before coming to math camp/Rice. That is all.)
13 comments
Comment from onefishclappin:
2005-04-18T15:08:11+00:00
At Rice, you were the "kid", especially for me. You were pretty much the youngest person I knew - the only freshman from your year and the last person I really knew at Rice (
But now that you are here in town & I feel like I've "really" gotten to know you, I don't think of your age. That's why I was so shocked when I realized you were still in your "early twenties". I guess I had moved you into the "working, pre-kid" group which I age at about 25-30.
So, in conclusion, you've done a decent job at shucking the "kid" image - to the point that we don't notice it anymore. But you do seem to make krikwennavd feel a little old when we sit down and calculate ages... Heck, wildrice13 watching Animaniacs as a child made me feel ancient! It was definately a late high school/college thing. Sigh. But I do feel like you guys are equals - not babies or anything like that. Now I just hope you don't view us as the old fogies.
Comment from wildrice13:
2005-04-18T15:41:32+00:00
You (and
Age-consciousness is all relative anyway. I mean, when you're a kid, 5 years is an enormous age gap. These days it's next to nothing.
Comment from wildrice13:
2005-04-18T15:43:31+00:00
Oh no! Unknown LJ tag! I must've punctuated my djedi tag wrong.
Comment from onefishclappin:
2005-04-18T15:48:08+00:00
You are very correct about the age gaps shrinking... Gary is 12 years older than I am (17 older than you?) & most of the time I feel like he's just about my age. Until he and his wife start talking about when they were moving cross country and what not... in 1989, and I realize that I was in junior high & they were in their mid-20's...
And yes, having a friend who is 4 years younger than me with a kid is a little crazy... esp because they didn't have him exceptionally young - they waiting until she finished college, they got married, and then decided to have kids. Not like an 18 year old getting pregnant... Sigh.
Someday I might think about the whole house, kid, marriage, grownup thing.
Comment from wildrice13:
2006-04-20T11:07:11+00:00
I'm sorry, but I just had to post here. Greg linked to here and so I re-read the post... and the comments... and wanted to point out that you're currently in the middle of "the whole house, kid, marriage, grownup thing". Hee! And only a year later! Sneak up on you much? :D
But as far as I can tell, you're handling it very well. So cheers and congrats for that!
Comment from gregstoll:
2006-04-20T11:08:14+00:00
Yikes...(but congrats indeed!)
Comment from onefishclappin:
2006-04-20T13:07:59+00:00
You are right - reading that is kinda scary. And I guess a year ago, we were talking marriage, we knew of Matthew's existance, but didn't ever think we would have custody, and hadn't even thought about buying a house together.
I'm happy where my life is (and going), but yes, I've had a few years of change recently.
Comment from gregstoll:
2005-04-18T16:38:24+00:00
Yeah, that's what usually happen - I'm the young'un at first, but then as I get to know the person, it becomes less and less of an issue.
And y'all are certainly not old fogies!
Comment from wildrice13:
2005-04-18T15:42:23+00:00
Woo-hoo for letting go of things that no longer apply! When doing so is healthy, anyway. And in this case it is! So yay for that :)
Comment from blamantin:
2005-04-18T22:25:40+00:00
Glad I'm not blamed for age issues. Though that still leaves plenty to be blamed for.
Comment from gregstoll:
2005-04-19T10:37:23+00:00
Of course! :-P
Seriously, though, I owe a lot to you two - I made a lot of friends my freshman year that I still know today, and I certainly enjoyed hanging out with y'all. Thanks!
Comment from amorphousplasma:
2005-04-20T12:28:56+00:00
I guess it's not exactly the same... but I sort of feel the way about piano... similarly, at least. Growing up, I was always the best- the best in my studio, class, school, etc. I got used to that and it basically became part of my identity. Coming to Rice, all of the sudden I wasn't- there were lots of people better than me- and it was really hard for me to adjust. I still haven't regained all my confidence and performance panache. But I AM starting to realize that it doesn't matter that much... well provided I find a job, of course...
If you and David feel like coming down (Cookie is!) you should come to my senior recital! It is this weekend, Sunday, at 12:30 in Duncan Recital Hall :)
Comment from gregstoll:
2005-04-20T13:14:25+00:00
Good for you! I recently went through this at work (other people getting awards that I didn't, etc.), and I think I'm much better off for it.
I don't think we'll be able to make it, but good luck! We'll send lots of good mojo your way...
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