I am moody, hear me roar!
Mood: determined
Music: Tori Amos - "Jackie's Strength"
Posted on 2005-04-13 09:06:00
Words: 345

Hopefully I'll get some work done today. But that's not what this entry is about!

Last night we visited Sarah in the hospital (after her surgery) - she's doing quite well, we had a nice conversation, and she'll likely go home tomorrow. But that's not what this entry is about either!

I can be a very moody person. Yesterday, for example, I was in about 5 distinct moods (giddy in the morning (almost a heightened sense of awareness type thing, like I had had a Coke for the first time in a long time), a bit more mellow in the afternoon, excited when I got home, depressed on the drive up to Round Rock, happy talking to Sarah, really tired all of a sudden at wildrice13's). And I've definitely had worse days. It's like being on a roller coaster, but in a bad way.

I think the giddiness in the morning was a sort of manic state - from the little I've read about bipolarism (ism?), it seems to have a lot in common with that. I feel like I could do anything I could put my mind to, everything is wonderful, and I feel super-productive (and I usually do get more done, although sometimes it involves starting very ambitious projects that I don't finish). The good thing is that I can recognize when I feel this way, so I can let it not get too far out of control. Also I usually don't have the urge to spend money, which is a good thing. I've read that for bipolar ppl, the manic part isn't really the problem, and they don't want that to change (it's the depression that follows that is the problem), and I feel the same way. So maybe I am a little bipolar? The depression on the way up to see Sarah came on suddenly and it was kinda harsh, sort of a feeling that I wasn't making a difference in the world, etc. *shrug*

Anyway, what was the point? Um, I dunno. I'm moody and stuff (which certainly isn't news to djedi...).


Comment from djedi:

Ack, not sure I like your color scheme. Since your moods often follow events, I'd say you're more moody than bipolar. Or maybe you're just pretty emotional. And being tired at 11something at night, isn't necessarily a mood. :)

Comment from gregstoll:

Blame destroyerj, who made fun of my default color scheme :-) Although this one is starting to grow on me...

That's true, I guess they do follow events, although sometimes it's hard to realize that. And yeah, the tiredness wasn't really a mood, but it felt like one because it came on so suddenly. I hate it when I'm ok, I'm ok, I'm ok, BAM - I'm tired!

Comment from destroyerj:

I've started to buy into the school of thought that we all are "crazy" (i.e. various psychological conditions) to some extent, it's just by how much we're crazy that determines whether we get labeled or not. So, yeah, you might be a little bipolar, but probably not "bipolar."

And your color scheme sucks. :)

Comment from onefishclappin:

I know lots of the classic depression diagnoses include feeling like that for a long period of time (months...) Can you orient some of the swing based on food? I know I can swing pretty wild with my blood sugar. (Swing low when I didn't eat a good meal, etc). David (though he might deny this...) gets grumpy and quiet when he misses a meal or a meal is late. I guess the other question is do you do anything you later regret during your "manic-like" phases? Here's to arm chair p-sychiatry.

Comment from djedi:

I keep telling you kidses, I'm not a p-sychiatrist.

Comment from gregstoll:

Hmm...interesting. I haven't tried that, but maybe I'll try to observe that more.

Not really...sometimes I do things like stay up too late, but nothing like "I killed a man in Vegas just to watch him die" regret.

Hee hee...p-sychiatry!

Comment from onefishclappin:

Yeah, my big one is that I'll eat lots of sugary stuff & caffeine, go high, then crash because everything flushes out of the system quickly. If I eat "better" - protein, veggies, whole grain carbs, & sugar in fruit instead of pure cane - I don't swing as high (hyper), but I also don't crash. David has been a good influence on my eating habits - and making me more aware of what I'm doing to myself. (This being said, I know I'm setting myself up for a crash - I ate brownies for b-fast, drunk too many diet dps & ate too many expresso beans this morning - I am not used to waking so early so it feels like a really long time between b-fast and lunch...)

Comment from onefishclappin:

Oh, and good song! I miss Johnny Cash... his last album was really stellar. (Including the video for Pain)

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